Monday, September 26, 2016

Should I say something?

My nephew got engaged recently to a rich girl, which is what he was looking for as he wants to sit and learn for the rest of his life (that is fodder for another post). When my mother told me the girls fathers name, I googled him as I usually do to get some information. To my great surprise what I found was that the girl's father had been charged (over 10 years ago) by the SEC with two different illegal schemes-an illegal offering scheme and a bank stock fraud scheme and that he had to pay a hefty fine/penalty and was permanently enjoined.  My brother and sister-in-law are very straight honest people, as are my parents, I am sure that they knew nothing about this, and if they had heard about this the shidduch would never have gotten off the ground.

The question that is really bothering me now is what to do with this information? On one hand I think it's important for them to know what they are getting into, on the other hand it is really too late. I don't see them breaking off the engagement because of this, so all I would do is upset everyone. I thought of sending an anonymous email with a link to the SEC litigation release but I am not sure that anyone would read it and again what would I accomplish?

What really gets me is that in the Charedi world (which my nephew is in) before a shidduch proposal is accepted both sides investigate. And yet, this information clearly did not come out in the investigation. I am sure that people who knew said nothing because they were afraid of loshon hara. The fact is that loshon hara has become the big savior for many people in shidduchim, people won't say the truth because of it. I would guess that there is another reason it didn't come out as well. In the Charedi world there is no little to no stigma attached to financial crimes. The father was involved in stock fraud, so what, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that he has a lot of money (possibly obtained illegally, but who knows) and is willing to support a son-in-law to sit and learn. Money cures all.

The bottom line is that I am not going to say anything and hope for the best.

2 comments:

  1. hilchos lashon harah dictates that its permissible to say lashon harah about a shidduch.

    ReplyDelete